I have not posted anything recently due to a number of irrational fears. The fear I have nothing worthwhile to say, the fear I have lost any ability to write and the biggest fear of all – You are no longer interested in what I have to say.
I long to return to the world of blogging. It is just that every time I attempt to write something, I am stumped for words. They used to flow so freely and now it feels like they have gone into hiding.
I admit that my mind is far more stable than it has ever been and those swirling thoughts that swamped my brain are seemingly under control. Which is nice for the rest of my life, but it seems to have put a damper on my creativity. I believe this is because I started off blogging to cope with all of the things that were out of my control and now that I have been working on solving these things, I haven’t much left to cope with.
I started taking medication for the first time over a month ago. I vowed that I would never take medication for my depression. I thought that it was all a matter of keeping positive and plodding along and eventually I would feel better, but I never did. The fact of the matter is that my brain just was not receiving all that it required. When I chose the path of medication, I did some research and I spoke to people I know who already take anti-depressants. I was curious to know what to expect. Some said it worked for them, others stated they had bad experiences. I tried not to let anybody’s opinions sway my own and I went in with an open mind and the willingness to feel better. The first two weeks left me feeling tired and nauseous. I spent a lot of time resting on the sofa trying to feel better from the effects. Although I felt unwell, I noticed that my uncontrollable mood felt more stable very quickly. Since then I have felt a sense of balance and I am able to cope with situations far better than I used to. I would say for me personally, the medication has worked wonders and although I know it is not a cure-all, it is a step in the right direction.
As for this blog, I still plan on coming back to post regularly, I just honestly do not know when that will be. I did not realise how long the healing process would take, I expected too much too quickly. Please be patient with me and I will try and keep you up to date with any further developments.
I would love to know how you are getting on, it has been so long and I miss our interactions.
Until next time, stay amazing!