The day has been and gone and I finally sought help for my mental health woes.
I have already posted a bit about this on Twitter, but I wanted to share what happened here as many of you have been with me from the start on this journey and I want to keep you in the loop.
The week leading up to my first Doctor’s appointment was dreadful. Somehow I had got it into my head that they were not going to help me. With this thought seed planted, my brain went into super stress mode and I was irritable to say the least.
On the day of the appointment, my other half accompanied me to the GP building. He has been helpful and supportive during this entire process. Stefan, if you are reading this, thank you. He was there as support and he showed me the process of signing in etc (As it is all in Swedish, a lot of the time I do not know what things say).
I signed in at reception and they were very warm and welcoming. At this point I said to myself that all my worrying was for nothing. We proceeded to take seats in the waiting room and I asked how good they were at sticking to appointment times (Because in the UK I have waited up to 40 minutes after my appointment time to see a doctor) he stated that they were pretty good and he has only found himself waiting a couple of minutes. After that brief chat, my doctor shows up ten minutes ahead of time and in I go.
At this point, I am my usual awkward self. I am not sure how to start things off and so I blurted out
“I am not very good at talking about this kind of stuff, sorry. I have written all of my problems down though, would it be okay if you read that?”
He simply nodded and I passed him the sheet of paper full of my problems. After thoroughly reading through my long list, he had some questions about some of the things that I wrote. For the most part, I answered as well as I could or as well as I could remember. One question triggered me to start crying and he said we could leave that one.
After a back and forth, he asked me what he could do for me and I stated that I did not know, but I need something because I cannot take feeling like this anymore.
He offered me medication and therapy and I accepted both. He then went on to type up my prescriptions and refer me to a therapist and informed me I would receive a letter with a date for an appointment. He also made a follow-up appointment for the end of this month to check how the medication is going.
After this my doctor informed me that they would need to take some blood to test my thyroid. I thought that would be an additional appointment, but he took me to the nurse and they did it right away.
I took my first dose of antidepressants yesterday coupled with an anti-anxiety tablet. I think subjecting my body to too much at once and it made me feel extremely hazy.
I spent most of the day asleep on the sofa and was drowsy for the remainder. I found myself restless last night and I did not get more than four hours sleep.
Today though, I feel okay. I have taken my second dose of antidepressants without the other pill and I feel a lot more myself.
I never thought I would resort to medication. It is scary, even now, thinking that I am locked in to this commitment of taking them everyday. You cannot simply stop taking them, you have to ween yourself off them.
I chose this path and now I must stick to it. I am feeling confident that I made the right choice and I do not feel as I once did that taking medication makes you weak. I used to think that if I solved all of my problems, then this would go away, but I was wrong.
I know this telling is a little dull and I intend to perk things up a little now that I feel I am on the path to recovery. If you are interested in knowing more about my mental health journey, I am happy to post updates, just let me know. Otherwise, it is back to being creative.
I have an exciting project that I will be working on soon with a good friend of mine. It is going to be an animated story-telling which I will write and narrate and my friend is going to animate. I have already begun writing the script and I hope once it comes to life, you all enjoy it. I won’t go too much into it, but I will say that it is intended to be upbeat and informative.
I think that is all I have to say for today. Thank you all so much for your support and guidance, you have made me feel incredibly loved. If there is anybody out there who finds themselves in the same place as I was and is perhaps afraid to seek help, please contact me: firstname.lastname@example.org. We can have a talk and I will share with you what I know and hopefully I can help you feel better about taking the first few steps to recovery.
Until next time, I appreciate you.
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