The Appointment

The day has been and gone and I finally sought help for my mental health woes.

I have already posted a bit about this on Twitter, but I wanted to share what happened here as many of you have been with me from the start on this journey and I want to keep you in the loop.

The week leading up to my first Doctor’s appointment was dreadful. Somehow I had got it into my head that they were not going to help me. With this thought seed planted, my brain went into super stress mode and I was irritable to say the least.

On the day of the appointment, my other half accompanied me to the GP building. He has been helpful and supportive during this entire process. Stefan, if you are reading this, thank you. He was there as support and he showed me the process of signing in etc (As it is all in Swedish, a lot of the time I do not know what things say).

I signed in at reception and they were very warm and welcoming. At this point I said to myself that all my worrying was for nothing. We proceeded to take seats in the waiting room and I asked how good they were at sticking to appointment times (Because in the UK I have waited up to 40 minutes after my appointment time to see a doctor) he stated that they were pretty good and he has only found himself waiting a couple of minutes. After that brief chat, my doctor shows up ten minutes ahead of time and in I go.

At this point, I am my usual awkward self. I am not sure how to start things off and so I blurted out

“I am not very good at talking about this kind of stuff, sorry. I have written all of my problems down though, would it be okay if you read that?”

He simply nodded and I passed him the sheet of paper full of my problems. After thoroughly reading through my long list, he had some questions about some of the things that I wrote. For the most part, I answered as well as I could or as well as I could remember. One question triggered me to start crying and he said we could leave that one.

After a back and forth, he asked me what he could do for me and I stated that I did not know, but I need something because I cannot take feeling like this anymore.
He offered me medication and therapy and I accepted both. He then went on to type up my prescriptions and refer me to a therapist and informed me I would receive a letter with a date for an appointment. He also made a follow-up appointment for the end of this month to check how the medication is going.

After this my doctor informed me that they would need to take some blood to test my thyroid. I thought that would be an additional appointment, but he took me to the nurse and they did it right away.

I took my first dose of antidepressants yesterday coupled with an anti-anxiety tablet. I think subjecting my body to too much at once and it made me feel extremely hazy.
I spent most of the day asleep on the sofa and was drowsy for the remainder. I found myself restless last night and I did not get more than four hours sleep.
Today though, I feel okay. I have taken my second dose of antidepressants without the other pill and I feel a lot more myself.

I never thought I would resort to medication. It is scary, even now, thinking that I am locked in to this commitment of taking them everyday. You cannot simply stop taking them, you have to ween yourself off them.
I chose this path and now I must stick to it. I am feeling confident that I made the right choice and I do not feel as I once did that taking medication makes you weak. I used to think that if I solved all of my problems, then this would go away, but I was wrong.

I know this telling is a little dull and I intend to perk things up a little now that I feel I am on the path to recovery. If you are interested in knowing more about my mental health journey, I am happy to post updates, just let me know. Otherwise, it is back to being creative.

I have an exciting project that I will be working on soon with a good friend of mine. It is going to be an animated story-telling which I will write and narrate and my friend is going to animate. I have already begun writing the script and I hope once it comes to life, you all enjoy it. I won’t go too much into it, but I will say that it is intended to be upbeat and informative.

I think that is all I have to say for today. Thank you all so much for your support and guidance, you have made me feel incredibly loved. If there is anybody out there who finds themselves in the same place as I was and is perhaps afraid to seek help, please contact me: sarainlalaland@hotmail.com. We can have a talk and I will share with you what I know and hopefully I can help you feel better about taking the first few steps to recovery.

Until next time, I appreciate you.

-Sara


 

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48 thoughts on “The Appointment

  1. Laura Beth says:

    I’m so thrilled that your appointment went well! I’m not a huge fan of doctors in general, and I have a touch of hypochondria as well. But, recognizing that you needed help is HUGE!! I’m glad that your doctor was able to assist you with both medication and therapy! I myself have seen several counselors throughout my days, and many of them have been helpful. It takes time for both things to be effective, and sometimes changes are necessary. Being an advocate for yourself, like others have said, is another huge thing. Speak up, whether things are good or bad. I am so proud of you!!

    Like

    1. SarainLaLaLand says:

      Hey Laura Beth. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I’ve never seen a therapist before. I talked briefly to a psychiatrist once, but that’s as far as my experience goes. This is all new to me.

      Like

  2. tashabrynn says:

    I have come to accept that I will always have to have medication for my depression and probably my anxiety, as well. But I HATE, HATE, HATE the commitment, as you said. Being dependent on meds. Being chained to a meds schedule. I swear that consciously I don’t try to forget to take them, but, when my alarm goes off, telling me to take them, far too often I’m in the middle of something and ‘forget.’ So, imagine my horror, when I was told this week by my rheumatoligist that I had to up one med to three pills, three times a day, and my psychiatrist added a new anti-depressant, without taking away the old one! I take a handful of pills three times a day (some of them are vitamins), and I hate it. It makes me feel like I am ‘sick.’ I don’t want to be sick. I fight against my fibro, which is a physical health issue, because I don’t want to be ‘sick.’ It feels like I failed, somehow. Like, if I’d just tried harder, I wouldn’t mentally or physically sick. Intellectually, I know that’s not true, but emotionally, it feels like I’m a huge failure for not being able to do what ‘everyone else’ can do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. SarainLaLaLand says:

      That must be tiring, keeping up with all of those doses. I’m trying to look at taking medication as something positive. I am going to take it in the morning to encourage me to keep a regular sleep pattern. I have to drink water every day and eat too to keep going, so this is nothing in comparison. I hope that you can get to a point where you don’t have to take as much as you are right now. Wishing you the best.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jay-lyn Doerksen says:

    I have been on meds off and on for the last sixteen years. It has been determined that I need them constantly no weaning off of them. However it is no different than someone with a heart condition or high blood pressure who require medication to maintain optimum health. And that is what you are doing with your mental health as well. Kudos for following through and being open and honest with the doctor. 🙂

    Like

  4. Small Island Thinker says:

    I was never a big fan of medication and was resistant to the idea when I became ill. I’d read all these stories of bad reactions and side effects and convinced myself it would happen to me too. Truth is, for me at least, they work and nearly 2yrs later they have kept me on an even keel. I did have a few days of terrible anxiety attacks but they soon settled as the medication took effect.
    Well done for taking that step but remember to be honest with yourself and the doctor if things aren’t working.
    Also, whatever you want to write, just write it. The blog is yours and yours only so just write what you feel.
    You can do this xx

    Like

    1. SarainLaLaLand says:

      I’m looking forward to storytelling in a new way. I don’t know how long the process will take, but I have a feeling my side of the work won’t take as long as the actual animated.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. (Kitty) Cat Strawberry - Meow! says:

    Whatever help you need you take, don’t feel cad for needing help. I hope you feel better soon and more yourself and can get back to doing the things that make you happy 😊😘❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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