Just when I think I have everything figured out, I discover that I know nothing at all.
I apologise if you feel that all I talk about these days is my mental health problems, but quite honestly it is consuming me and I need an outlet to talk about it or I might lose it.
One reason I left the UK was to leave behind the negativity and toxicity that followed me around like a shadow. I thought once I left, I would be onto a path of healing. I have been through some trying times since I moved to Sweden, but each hurdle has been to lead to a better life and it is. What I do not understand is why I am at a point where I have never felt so bad in my life.
Mentally, I am completely unraveled. My anxiety has moved in permanently. My stress levels through the room. My transition out of my depressive state is slow, with me taking one step forward and two steps back. I am rife with negativity and bitterness. I am frustrated, because I just want to feel better.
I seldom feel like myself anymore, to the point where I do not know who this person is who possesses my body. I feel like someone moved in and kicked me out whilst I was sleeping. I am well and truly defeated and utterly confused, because this is my time to live a happier life and I am worse than I have ever been.
I know I usually end these on a more positive note, but I just do not have it in my today. The little hope I have left is dying. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is what it is. I guess one positive I could share is that I have my first appointment to see a doctor next week, since moving here. Hopefully things change for the better real soon and I can come back with better news and some poetry. It has been a while since I have done some “real” writing and I miss that. I want it back.
Until next time… ❤
If you enjoy my writing and would like to support the publishing of my first book, please consider buying me a coffee. (For more information, please click on the button)