Today, I was taking a slow stroll home. The snow was gently falling, the temperature warm, the air still. I was listening to some nostalgic music and in my own world. It was a wonderful experience. That was until the wind kicked in and started blow snow into my eyes and the illusion of calm was shattered. It did not take away from the beautiful moment though.
As my eyes adjusted to get a better view of my path ahead, I looked around and thought to myself ‘This is where I live, but I have never looked at it as home’. The same streets I walk up and down on a daily basis, I only see as a route to where I am heading. The breathtaking views that surround this little town I look at and take in, but I never think or appreciate the fact that I can visit them every day.
I have lived in Sweden for over a year now and it still does not feel like home, but if I am truly honest, I have never felt at home anywhere. I strive to find that feeling, but I do not think I would know it if I found it. I think part of the reason I have never looked at this town as home is because I spent a large majority of the time I have lived here waiting for things to happen and it is only recently that I have been able to move forward. I never imagined the process would take this long and it might be the case that I am used to waiting in limbo.
I see TV Shows and see people with careers, getting married and having babies at the age I am now and I know I will be lagging behind on all of life’s precious milestones, but that is just the way it is. I know it is stupid to compare myself to TV characters, but I do not know many people here and that is all I have as a comparison.
Not too long ago, all of these factors would have caused me to be down on myself. Today, I accept that things will take a little longer for me. I will get there though and the only person I am in a race with is myself.
Today is also the day I begin my schooling journey. I will take a test so that the school can assess my abilities in Swedish and put me in the appropriate group so I can learn to speak and understand the language a little more. This is an important step for me as when I can fully converse in Swedish, it will help me to be able to get a better job. The test is today, after that I do not know what will happen, I guess I will find out!
It is funny how a moment of calm can get one thinking, but I am glad it happened. Instead of being nervous, I am curious and that to me is a good thing.
So, off I go in a couple of hours to find out how much I really know.
Until next time, wish me luck!
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